Christians love to tell each other how much love they have for the other.  And I think on varied levels its true. I like being loved as much as the next guy. I like good feedback. And its better to be loved than being treated with indifference. But I am not so sure how sold I am on just being loved. I will explain. 

Email has really changed all our worlds (small world). The feedback from others has really been sped up. I get a lot of emails saying how great I am and a few that don’t really care for me. But what do I care in the end.   

I went through a period of time where a friend of mine asked to review emails I was sending to people I was upset with. I am dyslexic so my spelling gets worse the higher my anger gets. I look like a deranged individual when expressing my disappointment with others. So I don’t send any negative emails anymore. My emails are either instructive (code for corrective) or affirming.   

Now I am on Facebook. I hear from all kinds of people who love me there. And the cool part about Facebook is you get a picture sometimes with the message. I don’t remember several hundred of the people on my Facebook but there are some really interesting people there. It’s a part time job for most it appears from their tracking. And some of the folks’ pictures are frightening. It’s amazing to me how young looking I have remained and how aged many of my friends have become. 

But I get a lot of affirmation from my site. And even a few people who say they love me. It’s heart warming. I don’t get so excited any more. I have been loved quite a bit and sometimes I would rather not. But that isn’t really any loveless people’s fault. I just didn’t see clearly how things work before. 

Sometimes when people say they love me I feel a little ruffled by it.  Today we connect sex with love an awful lot. So sex equals love. Personally I think sex could be overrated. I was counseling a person a few weeks ago whose spouse’s health had deteriorated to the point sex was an impossibility for the rest of their young lives. I told them sex was overrated and they’d be surprised at how quickly you reach the point where it’s more of a problem.    

Those older gents know what I am talking about. Couples who just can’t get on the same page sexually know well what I am talking about. Now sex is good. I have even heard it would make you live longer. But I just think sex gets in the way of love often. 

I had a pastor once who told everyone how much he loves him or her.  But he really didn’t. He needed them and I am persuaded they felt the same to him. I do have friends who need me and think that means they love me. I would rather they would just say “you know you really meet some social spiritual needs I have.” I can take that. And we all know marriages where the bond is more neediness than anything else. Love at its core has less to do with need than bother.  

I honestly think that inconvenience and the willingness to be inconvenienced is the surest sign of love. We don’t teach that much. We really think of love as being convenient. I think sometimes when someone says they love me they mean, “you know you’re pretty convenient and I like that about you.” And that’s ok. I like being convenient. 

I do have trouble when a man tells me they love me in Christ. I grew up in a home where men didn’t express warmth toward one another. I really hate it when some Christians, as they will do, hug me. It drives me up a wall. Especially when they are invading my personal zone. Love requires such closeness sometimes in makes me uncomfortable. 

Then there are church members who like to tell their pastor they love him. I have learned this can mean a lot of different things. It could mean I have been talking behind your back and I feel bad about it now so I am going to compensate. I have been at this for over thirty years so I see more than people think.   

Or, it can mean you have become a great father image to me and it’s helping me cope or compensate. This is ok but often feelings that are negative get transferred to the pastor and then it is really no fun at all to be loved.   

It can however be legitimate love expressing itself. And how great it is when that occurs. My mistake for years was in thinking that even this kind of love would last forever or at least a long time. I have learned it doesn’t. So enjoy it while you can. 

The bottom line is I don’t really care much for being loved. I am fine with Christians not loving me. Indifference is hard but a lack of affection for me fits nicely into my world. I have concluded what I would really like is to be treated ethically and respectfully. That’ll be good enough for me. You don’t have to be close to me or admire me just treat me fair and that will do it. 

If you say you are committed to my leadership or church then be committed. You don’t need to love me to hang out with me. Or if I mess up you don’t have to say, “Oh that’s ok.” Just don’t like me but say, “You know to be fair we are all human. But you are a jerk you know.” I am ok with that.   

So if you tell me you love me you aren’t likely to impress me. If you open the door for my wife and tell me I look heavier I am ok with that.  Just treat me ethically and I am very happy. And I will do the same with you. I hang with many people I don’t care for but I treat them ethically and I know they are better for it.