We saw in this text that some do not want to be well. And how easy it is for us to become one with our diseases. Some become so much a part of us it takes concerted effort to detach ourselves.
There are two specific experiences many of us have that can affect our wellness. The first is the ACOA (Adult Children of Alcoholics) and Adult children of divorce. Not everyone who has been part of these kinds of life events suffers from the entire syndrome but few escape unscathed.
About 40% of adults have experienced a life with some significant impact from alcohol or substance abuse. And if today’s trends continue over 50% of adults will and are experiencing the fallout of broken marriages.
The following are traits that are found in those who impact by the specter of alcohol addiction:
1. They guess at what is normal.
2. They have trouble finishing things
3. Lie when its easier to tell the truth
4. Difficulty having fun
5. Confuse excitement with joy
6. Take themselves too seriously
7. Overreact to change
8. Constantly seek approval
9. Super responsible or irresponsible
10. Extremely loyal – to a fault.
11. Trouble seeing consequences.
What do you do if these characterize your life? Be honest. Honesty is the core of all healing here. Often it is advisable to get some professional counseling if you feel the syndrome is undermining a good life for you. Attending Al-anon meetings can be a great benefit for many. Alan-on is the wing of AA that is designed to help spouses and children of alcoholics.
The following are books I would recommend:
1. Detachment: The Art of Letting Go While Living with An Alcoholic. By Evelyn Leite
2. Boundaries by Henry Cloud (in our bookstore)
3. Discovering Choices, Al-anon. The latest book designed for adult children of alcoholics.
Children of Divorce who are effected negatively can have four traits that are toxic to their ability to live a remarkable life:
1. Feel like they live on a desert island and are numb to connecting with others.
2. Fear of conflict
3. Feel like they are a jinx to everything and everyone around them.
4. Preoccupied with their parent’s life to the detriment of their own.
I would recommend again Henry Cloud’s book Boundaries. And if your patterns are affecting your present marriage or relationships it is a good idea to get some professional counseling to enhance your healing process.
